The Light Inside
by AC1830
Summary: On Christmas Eve, Hoss guides a new friend from darkness into the light.


**The Light Inside**

Lucinda Onacona had lived in Virginia City since it was a dirty mining camp with no name, filled with nothing but ragged tents and beaten down men. Her mother, Sadie, a runaway slave, was taken in by the Cherokee. A young warrior who'd lost his own wife in childbirth, took Sadie as his own. His name was Onacona, meaning White Owl, for one appeared the night he was born. After Lucinda was born, the Cherokee People were forced to leave their land for the plains in the West. When her father died in an accident on the trail, Lucinda and her mother left the tribe and continued westward until they ended up at the base of a tall mountain, a place where men hunted for gold. Her mother became a washer woman and Lucinda, barely in her teens, cooked for the men seeking their fortune. She grew up learning that survival was all that mattered and to never count on anything, or anyone. Over the years that tent city grew into a bustling town named Virginia City, at the base of Sun Mountain.

She acknowledged that Virginia City wasn't such a bad place to live, but she never felt fully accepted in the town. She knew it was her heritage, and her pale brown skin, that kept her on the periphery of life in the town, always on the outside looking in. Only a few old timers knew her full story, everyone else just listened to gossip and rumors.

Christmas time was the most difficult time for Lucinda for that was when her mother had died after a fever ravaged the camps, leaving a teenage daughter on her own. That was when Lucinda took her father's name as her own to honor his memory. She also decided she would make a special bread each year, one that her mother always made to celebrate Christmas. It was the only thing that made Christmas day different from any other day. As Sadie baked, she would recount the story of the bright star that showed the way to the Christ child. When Lucinda's mother had died, all that Christmas meant to her died too, except the bread.

December also brought a unique busyness to Virginia City that Lucinda hated. First the decorations would appear - pine boughs around doorways, candles in the windows, red bows on the street lamps. Next, hearts seemed to be lifted despite the dreary winter weather and cold days, and townsfolk would move faster and pass on cheery greetings to others on the streets. Lucinda only wrapped her heavy coat around her more tightly as she passed the smiling faces. All she wanted to do was get home, back to her sanctuary of solitude. There she could hide from all the light and cheeriness.

Christmas Eve was the night she dreaded the most. There were always a few jolly souls who would smile at her or try to be kind which meant the invitations would come. Throughout the day someone would knock on her door to invite her to a church service or to their home for dinner. The answer was always a gruff "no" and they received a door slammed in their smiling faces. This night, just when Lucinda thought she was safe for the evening, a quiet knock was heard. Peeping out from behind a dusty curtain, Lucinda couldn't believe her eyes. It was Hoss Cartwright. Having been seen at the window, Lucinda sighed and opened the door.

Hoss smiled shyly as Lucinda cracked the door open.

"Evenin' Miss Lucinda. I, um, was wonderin' if I could speak to you for just a bit?"

Lucinda wavered but just for a moment. Hoss had always shown her kindness, be it a smile or encouraging word, but was never pushy if she tried to ignore him, unlike other people were. She sensed this man was different. In fact his whole family seemed to treat her differently. Curiosity winning out over her desire to turn him away, she swung the door open and stepped aside as the big man entered the small home at the edge of town.

Closing the door against the cold, she shifted a chair over to the fire so he could sit and warm up.

"I've got coffee on the stove and some bread, if you'd like some."

"That'd be right fine. Thank you."

Lucinda moved quickly to bring two cups of coffee and two slices of her Christmas bread.

Hoss smiled after his first bite of the bread. "This is mighty tasty. I ain't never had bread like this before."

Lucinda lowered her head shyly at the compliment. "Thank you. It's a bread my mother use to make at Christmas time. That's….that's when she died so I bake it each year to honor her."

Hoss nodded at the sad story and they finished eating in silence.

After the light snack, Hoss handed a small package over to Lucinda. He saw curiosity flash in her eyes before her usual timidity replaced it. Her hands jerked in her lap while she struggled with what to do. Finally, she reached for the package, keeping her head down.

"Thank you, Hoss, but what is this for?" Keeping her eyes fixed on one of Hoss' large knees.

"It's Christmas, Miss Lucinda. That's all. It's a time to share with our friends."

Lucinda finally raised her eyes upward to see Hoss' bashful yet bright smile beaming at her.

"I-I'm your friend?"

"Why sure ya are. At least I hope so. The few times we talked in town I really enjoyed it. I know you ain't had such a good life, but somehow I feel there's a brightness inside ya somewhere. I can see it in your eyes, when you smile." Hoss paused when a smile peaked out on Lucinda's face. "I saw you the other week helpin' the little ones at the orphanage when my brothers an' me were there fixin' the roof. Them kids sure took a shine to ya that day."

Lucinda was overwhelmed by Hoss' words. Something stirred inside her that she hadn't felt in a long time. Her fingers fiddled nervously with the string around the package, until, biting her lower lip, she began to open the package. Inside was a lace shawl of a beautiful ice blue color. Lucinda gasped and tears drifted down her cheeks as she gently fingered the soft design.

"Hoss, I… Why? It's so beautiful but," she quickly wrapped it back up and shoved it into his lap, then began to pace around the room. "I can't accept it. I don't deserve anything so lovely."

Stunned by her reaction, Hoss held his words until Lucinda stopped pacing around the room like a caged animal. When she leaned against the front door, her shoulders heaving, Hoss lifted the shawl out of the paper and moved toward her. He gently placed it around her shoulders then drew her to him.

"It always hurt me the way folks would ignore you or treat ya mean. You got a beautiful face an' I think a beautiful spirit, an' they just don't wanna notice that. So I asked Pa to tell me you're whole story." Hoss took two fingers to lift Lucinda's face up toward his. He gently patted the tears away. "You cain't help who your parents were but Pa said they loved you very much. It was a tragedy fer them to die an' leave you so young, but look at you. You're here 'cause you're a fighter. But more than that I see a light in you that can shine so bright folks'll be drawn to it just like them young'uns at the orphanage, to get to know you for who your are, not what you look like. My brother Adam told me your name means light, and illumination. That's a fancy word but it means a light that spreads around, an' that's what I think of when I see you, Miss Lucinda."

Lucinda, stepped back and readjusted the shawl around her, considering his words and wondering if she had been spending her young years pushing that light away, the light her mother always said was there inside her, in her eyes. Brushing at her damp face and smoothing down her dark hair she finally looked at Hoss and gave him a wide smile that filled her eyes. To Hoss that smile was as bright as the Christmas star must have been.

"Miss Lucinda, may I have the honor of escorting you to the Christmas service at the church?"

Lucinda took a deep breath and nodded. She reached for her heavy coat to wear but placed the shawl over her head and shoulders for more warmth. As Hoss escorted her toward the church, his countenance beamed to have his new friend beside him, and the new sparkles never left Lucinda's eyes for the entire evening. Many folks who had shunned her before, spoke kindly to her this night and welcomed her into their midst. The pastor began the service with the carol, Joy to the World.

As the music drifted on the night air, one heart swelled with each chorus as if a light had been turned on inside of her. Lucinda shared a smile with Hoss and received one back in return. This was to be her last Christmas of darkness and her first Christmas of light.


End file.
